-// i hate the way you dont seem like you care.


See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don't know why you treatin me so bad
You said you love me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is eating for you
I can't stop crying
I don't know how
I allow you to treat me this way and still i stay

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don't know why you wanna do me wrong
See when I'm home, I'm all alone
And you are always gone
And boy, you know I really love you
I can't deny
I can't see how you could bring me to so many tears
after all these years

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

I trusted you, I trusted you
So sad, so sad
what love will make you do
all the things that we accept
be the things that we regret

See, when I get the strength to leave
You always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak cause I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You can learn to appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby why you hurt me leave me and desert me
Boy I gave you all my heart
And all you do is tear it up
Looking out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
There's something always holding me back

ahaha finally online :D
my sis and i happily forgot the password.
and i feel like some cavewoman.
my sister just made me retype password. cos i typed pw initially and she was like gasping in horror 'no no pls dont type that!' cos it looked like pw. as in, project work. haha lameness.
AND its during the times when you need people around you
that you find out who your real friends are and if they really do care.
thanks, everyone who was there :)
ANYWAYS.
think i cmi to sa alr la :(
-super sad frown.
heard the cut off is currently 11 or smth! madness. even if its for science, arts ll prob be like 13..
what am i to do with 15! guess its cj for now..but people have been telling me horror stories about the strict discipline and stuff. like ejedhiuhg -scrunches face-
rushing off to tuition soon!
then gonna meet ree to study. (sorry, sweetie boy boy and ah girl. pls continue painting hard / facial-ing hard without ma around..haha)
super freaked out, everything begins on monday ._.
SCREAMS!
so not prepared..this is bad! (ooh. that rhymed!)
lucks, everyone!

and oh before i forget..
HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY MY EVER DEAREST DARLING TINGS..huang shang'r, summer or whatever nicknames we constantly come up with..SWEET SIXTEEN! may you be as pretty as summer (rachel bilson) or cecilia cheung and find macon in the states. hahas. youre the best :) lovee!

//i know, i'll just smile.

shit, im still really slack.
great, im just gonna end up doing poorly for o's.
was really whiny today, didnt feel like doing anything.
oh whatever.

dont even know why i bother checking my gbk.
-grumbles.
okay as ive said, im really whiny.
stop it!

//someone has to tell you this is it.

im sorry i dont want to apologise anymore ; for myself, for you.
things were so fine but its not now. i dont know where it all went. im so tired of all the hotness and coldness brewing, i dont know what to expect. this feels foreign, you feel foreign. its like dont know you anymore.

crying, everyday of your life, they say.
puffy eyes are ugly.
well, time for a revamp.

i know im far from good
and im really sorry i affect your moods cos im way too sensitive (and also insenstive at the same time), cos i complain a lot, cos im not as good as the other (ie looks and everything else too), cos i dont understand, cos i always screw things up, cos its always me and my crap shit..
but i have feelings too.
i cant help but think the things that i think, cant help mood swinging, cant help feeling very very rotten over horrid results and being rotten to you too..
i try not to and i hate it but its a part of me, of what i do.
and i hope everything will be okay from now,
i really really really
need you.

love, lotsss.

online blogging again!
think im addicted to this stuff.

kinda happy with my l1r5
though its not fantastic like the pure breeds (heard they even told the bread stall aunty about their 6 points..god!) ..or glam like my single digit bestie..or wai the brain..but overall, i fared better than i thought i would! its the math..haha. mrs koh rocks! :D (actually tings and i decided st nicks is really great..the people, the tchers, the food and the place! think it took us 4 years of saying it sucks to change our minds..still not too late right? haha) and my mum wanted me to get 12! like er, very funny huh. just hope i can get to sajc for the first 3 mths! though i guess its kinda impossible, me against the 13s and 14s who would prob be signing up for sa too.. :( oh well. hope some moderation would be done..or maybe they'd all decided to go acjc and not deprive me of a place! bent on getting in there.

anyways. went far east after it all..had waffle at gelare (i knw hw to pronounce it nw k, da!) and tom yam upstairs w tings :) uh, think we both fare rather badly at being street smart..

right. and im gonna have dinner now! swear im getting fat. bleahh.

need to really really start some serious mugging! been super slack since the prelims ended..focus focus. vying with the other DRAGON BABIES..rolls eyes.

anyway, this is for da, dinah, laine, syl and some others sorry i cant recall now..dont worry, really. the sch has some um, committee tht serves to help us so lets hope they'll help! pls dont cry anymore k? it'll be okay! -group hug!

//make it good, make it good.

decided to come online cos i have quite a lot to say..
oh guess what, im listening to aaron carter again. haha.

anyway today has been way too emotional..especially over here at our class
lotsa people crying, over grades, over friends, over friends crying..was quite a sight. and in the midst of crying i couldnt help but think if i wasnt in 4C but in some other pure breed class (i knw, how on earth wld i get thr in the first place?? but yknow. just an example), everyone would probably be shunning me and looking down on me instead of comforting me. i really think my class rocks actually.
so thanks, YINS esp (for listening to me rant since tuesday and always never giving up on me!! and also your very sweet list of quotes. haha) DINAH+MINA (you both give the best hugs..esp mina! i think i shall hug you more often. haha) SABRINA WEE (youre the best, dear. really.) REE! pls dont cry anymore -drives your headache away- they WILL help you after reviewing. okay? thanks for sayanging me..haha. mel, and the sixers, couldnt really remember in the blur haha. and sylvia please do cheer up. DADEEDOO..cheer up, you! and also, thanks, dsf!! and tings! for being the typical silly muddlehead..its really okay, im good now. its not your fault dear.

feel quite dumb doing like, the credits roll or something. but really, guys! thanks for letting me wet your pinafores, especially at the shoulder area. haha. realised that shows how short i am, my eyes are actually at their shoulder level! okay nvm crap.

REGARDLESS of the utterly DISAPPOINTING chem AND comb humans, i realised there are actually other stuff that brightened up my day! like the bus uncle insisting on giving me a free ride when i was digging in my wallet for coins and came up with only a one dollar coin, my friends, once again, for being superb people, my lit! (omg i love ms jeya), my carrot, for just being herself :) and ALSO, the fact tht there's the oc ltr!! yipee. so y'see. grades cannot make or break you. okay actually they can. but yea. just trying to be optimistic. so tht yins wont feel that her constant efforts of drilling and quotes have gone down the chute.

SMILES.
:)

actually, im feeling highly hypocritical with that smile.
but whatever.

so, tomorrow, THE bomb..math+amath. oh and h.chi too. but worrying more on math cos i need to count one math for my l1r5..i really just want to pass. pleasey please..dont wanna cry anymore. crying is a tiresome and cumbersome task to do.

Sick and tired of this world
There's no more air
Trippin' over myself
Goin' nowhere
Waiting
Suffocating
No direction
And I took a dive

tsk. dnt knw wht happened to my prev entry..just disappeared into thin air!
anyway the background is lana lang+clarke kent!
in case you cant see..
and i think you cant,
but whatever.

results were pretty o-kay.
though disappointed with english,
hanging on a thin line for my distinction for lit since jeya has yet to returned the other part of the paper (which im most prob gonna fare worse),
couldve gotten a grade higher for physics if i had written the units for the practical!
ARGH.

but whatever.

oh my goodness!
ms jacob said someone failed english compre terribly!
its GOT to be me. oh god. i knew it. this is veryvery depressing. what am i gonna do!!?
freaking out badly now.
sigh.
TUGS AT HAIR, literally.
oh no actually i cant do that. cos my hair is already falling uncontrollably at an alarming rate due to my suspicious case of breast cancer (which is also believed to be the obstruction of the growth at you-know-where)
but whatever.
AHH! i need to calm down!!
but i really wanna go jc for my first 3 months :(
poof its over. (this reminds me of some nelly song i think. was it nelly?)
im sad and miserable.
gonna watch america's next top model now.
and get further depressed watching the hot babes sashaying about..

oh yes, darling.
happy 3rd month :)
hee. and remember our bet! no video taping k! deal!

-coughs.
really sick and dying, so stayed at home.
yea, right.

perfect10's playing the collaboration of i dont wanna know and you should really know. i think it kinda screwed up the songs. (but da just cant stop singing the screwed up versh! all the time..sing till i went deaf..)

anyway. should i change my layout?
apt to, but really lazy to find..

found out gravity's sung by coldplay! coldplay rocks man. all their songs are damn good.

and then i looked up at the sun
and i could see
oh, the way that gravity turns on you and me
and then i looked up at the sun
and saw the sky
and the way that gravity pulls on you and i
on you and i

-

talked to stepo last friday..got all freaked out over our grad dresses. i cant seem to find anything anywhere! prob gonna tailor make it with dadeedoo. or else i'm gonna wear a towel on grad night ._.
anyway miss you, queenie! 23rd's a date :) or is it 26th? when's the openhouse actually? my sister doesnt even know! fainted.

getting back our prelim papers tomorrow..maybe i could just fast forward everything and get on with it. it wouldnt hurt to not know that i brilliantly flunk everything, right?
-crosses fingers.
hoping there'll be no tears!
but then, knowing me..sigh.

gonna meet carrot ltr..
hpe i wont disturb/annoy her :(

; shes so pretty and shes so sure

yippee! shopping galore today. hahaha. towned with tings..FINALLY had our waffle (its been yonks and the cute guy there has dissipated bt nvm, the waffle was fab. tho i think it feel empty without steph+sq. but oh well.) bought from ths shop at far east (we were so fickle! went to and fro to change the stuff i bought cos we cldnt decide which colour was nicer. haha but the shop tendor was v nice. she has nice lashes! okay maybe theyre fake but yea. nice la.), zara and mango! hee. as you can see, ive been quite deprived for a while. actually, been very terribly depressed. quite a shopaholic sometimes. anyway, theres friday with dadeedoo!! hahaha. i shall embark on a STRICT mission to find a nice tote instd of letting my eyes wander and buy everything else but that. haha.

very tired! wondering whether i should fall ill tmrw. haha
anyway replies to nanapok..

ANYWAYS. you do owe me a message k. its the other way round now. you made me reply you and then you ignore me??! whats this!? box you arh! haha. and PLEASE STOP imagining me as a slut or whtever! lame la you! eh. and when are we gonna study togth huh. -DIAOS YOU.

; vanessa carlton

Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's till the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon

It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last

It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses

My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake

Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses

And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses

superb song.
i want to go shopping
shopping
wander to wisma theres topshop and aztec and..
wander to wheelocks theres zara and borders..
raffles city, i need earrings..
paragon..
shall stop.
want to get this and that..
take me shopping please?

i think im so gross, disgusting, whatever.
was 'violently ill' (quote from kotc haha) all of a sudden during the physics paper
and then grew superbly nauseus (spelling?) and i barfed. yes, my poor classmates had to bear with it. so sorry about that. almost died of embarassment. as much as my previous mental state could permit. was in a daze and kinda unaware of everything. dont know what came over me! so strange.
yea. which is why i think im so gross.

but after puking, and being perfectly sane now, i am fully aware that we only have 2 more papers to go ! hahaha. a temporary break is good enough. all the papers suck and i try not to think of it :( will cry my eyeballs out when we are all assembled in the drama studio / hall and THE moment arrives.

oh ! overjoyed btw. oc has returned. hehe.
feel like watching blue crush.
shall dig it out tonight and watch the hot bods and pretty faces (albeit the dolly kate bosworth!).

right. 'off.

So I fall
I don't wanna feel this small
You know I just can't handle this
Handle this at all
And I'll just fall
I let my heartbeat drop
I falter as the music stops

i have sinned ! im online when my prelims is in 3 days! FREAKS OUT BIG TIME.
sigh.
oh well.
been mugging these days okay.
every moment and thought is dedicated to chemistry and physics and social studies and geography and math and..okay over exaggerated.
i just HAD to come online cos
SABRINA WEE told me i HAD to read her gbk entry AND in her entry she actually REPRIMANDED me for coming online! -grumbles.
im here even before i ate breakfast k.
k back to daily routine ; which is to study then head for the library to study with my fellow mugging kakees (who are so KIASU! kiasu kakees. haha alliteration!) haha. dinah mina yimin huiying rocks! :D
-though i still cant do the limbo rock (spelling?) embarassing. and i HAVE to eat my sushi roll TODAY! its the last day..

//these things that people say
they make me feel so lousy
please dont pretend to be happy
when youre with me
because thats what hurts.

im not good enough, i know it.

Baby don't stop
It's okay cause I'm down for you

today has been a LONG day.
amazed that im still awake after being through a turmoil.
haha strong word.

went to school (dragged myself up) for physics cos ms huang weiting told me she was going and persuaded me to go. so there i was, and she never turned up -scowls- how typical. but anyway studied like 1.5 chapters v e r y slowly cos school wasnt ideal for concentration for me. and also, the company i had there was too god damn fun. hahaha. ended up yakking away and laughing hysterically. out of like, nothingness. haha. spastic la.

we all wanted to go back so left at lunch time..changed and was like, 2hours early (thanks to the bright idea i got to avoid the rain..HAH.), happily waiting at kovan. got kinda ditzy and depressed, think yins was right, the rain DOES get to you. was sitting there and feeling the rain platter all over me forming dark orange spots against my top (which is orange la obviously. hope i didnt make it sound like the rain was orange. okay crap. anyway) and stomach was grumbling (had to survive on ricola strawberry pearls) like a volcano inside. so anyway, THE TRAUMA arrives. walked about and (after wasting 2 freaking bucks on a 20cents call cos my freaking phone chose this time to die on me and i only has 2 one dollar coins with me) ended up at another bus stop, was trying to stop being silly and all depressed when out of the blue this metrosexual/gay stands next to where i was sitting. and its like, human nature to turn around and absentmindedly inspect the surroundings (and also check out people haha) when i noticed something wasnt quite right..and i turned around and looked again..guess what. that freak decided he wasnt going to zip his jeans and also that he wasnt going to wear any underwear. no boxers, no briefs. so you know what i saw. a protruding hairy dick. like oh fuck! immediately spunned my neck back. was shell shocked for a minute or two and just stoned there. then there was this um mentally unstable malay dude who started parading around and talking and laughing to himself right in front of me. and then pointing at god knows what and freaking me out cos its like, the seventh month and naturally, as a chinese, im superstitious. so while being caught up with the drama the malay man was creating, the metrosexual/gay freak slipped off to freak some other poor girl out. from the corner of my eye (and also i had to twist my head a teeny bit), i realised he was standing next to another innocent chap. poor girl. dont know what happened to her cos stj finally arrived.

yup anyway, ate at swensons!! had the salmon and mushroom baked rice and fries and chocolate malt ice cream. super duper yummylicious :D were both super bloated. and there was this mud next to us wearing eye liner. for god's sake. it was like THIS thick. but he's cute though. haha and his girlfriend is really strange for she dons a tudong but her dressing is like, strictly GOTHIC. black nails, black nose ring and everything. and i dont think i heard her laugh once. or even crack a smile. or even speak. while her boyfriend tried to strike some casual conversation she just silently ate and occasionally picked up her phone (attached with skeletons and god knows what else) when this really strange doagjihiofSPW ringtone sounds. while he laughed at his own words. yea. okay think i was being overly observant.

haha anyway watched friends at her place..its so freaking depressing now that its all coming to an end. oh well. it reminds me of nanapok and ree. cos we always watch them at nana's house, spending our afternoons tanning and then laughing at the tv screen at the sofa with our lunch. typical. and now it seems like nana has done some disappearing act. i havent like, talked to her since..ages ago. so odd, this feeling of nana not being here.

okay ignore me. its just the stress.

my vocab is so limited. all i say is the word freaking.
but its just a freaking long day with brow raising encounters
so only the word freaking can fit in.
-nods.

and can you believe
after my traumatic day
a few minutes ago i was still flipping through the shou ce and trying to cram the words in my head?
my life is like ojastihloaqdsgs.
i dont even know what to say.
just cant wait for the prelims to be over.
oh my. and instead of asking for o's to be over, im just asking for prelims to be over.
this is so uncanny.

but yea. 62, oh. no, 64 days now.
-grins.

but i need to do
what i feel like doing.
so just listen.

okay cant believe im STILL online
-looks at clock-
failed miserably at exercising self control, wendy toh.

anyway decided that i NEED to do this entry

for SABRINA WEE YUE WEN aka PEACHY BITCH
girl, i hope youre okay..
i think you are but y'know sometimes youre not
bcos she has left
and im SO sorry it took me so long to do this
caught up with my own world okay wendy's very selfish
-slaps self-
okay i didnt slap myself but in my mind i did, so technically (doesnt ths remind you of matthew perry from friends) technically, i did. haha. LAUGH, nana, laugh. okay not funny.
++
if you need anything or anyone (to flash yourself ie y'know what you always do haha or just to plain talk, seriously, IM ALWAYS HERE OKAY?))
love you to BITS AND PIECES and fragments and chips..
look for me when youre in those times when youre not okay, okay?
MWA!

^x y'know, i think your character sucks big time..

ahhh my tama (which died 4 times due to constant neglect) turned into ths super cute version of a dolphin with legs (insert confused look here) but its so cute. and fat. whoops. and i really like natasha bedingfield's song single. but as the title suggests, its inappropriate to sing it (in my horrid voice) at the top of my lungs now, no? anyway im just bored stiff and i know i should be mugging right now instead of blogging crap online. oh ; got my tom yam and iced lemon tea so im happy (:
ooh my hair is longer ! back to the length before i cut it (if there was even a difference) perks. hahas.

..and im bothered by it ^x

RL doesnt feature my favourite model anymore, how sad.
but check out that Pink Pony tee (i really mean her figure)



and the bikini wear Blue Label is really appealing..
oh goodness. red boots ! (the others are animal skins. which is the root of plain evil..)



aint she pretty !



okay nuff surfing. feel like im talking to myself here. lame.
'off.

I wanna meet the odds with royal flush
To fall
I gave my all
But it wasn't enough
I'm never giving up I found life
So I've gotta live it up
And life is too short for war
What can I say to show theres more
With people slammin doors in my face and what for
That aint the way to gain plays
By making the same mistake day after day
I gotta slide man get away the smile on my face its a sunny day girls and drinks and more drinks
Come to think
For such a big place its a small world
For such a rat race i still got faith
And anything goes still I got to say life has its ups and downs but I love it anyway
One love one shot
It's all we ever got

super zonked out
still came online though
havent been here in a long time..

was a rol's house with wai+kiat..damn funny
esp whn rol+kiat started doing ths techno dance..
sheesh!
and we were running away from ant hives and spiders and god know what else
screaming and flailing about like mad people.
haha almost died going home though.
bloody hot and weary.
but still. had fun :)
today's the last day im gonna be sitting with wai!!
EMOTIONAL.
:(
and that girl destroyed my orange.
actually it was already in bad shape
after all the doodling and everything..
she had to go and stick a GREEN staplet in my orange!
reminded me of electrolysis. you can get a voltmeter reading from an orange y'know!
haha okay digressed.
got back ppr today..was rather shell-shocked by my results
thought i'd get 40 for l1r5 or smth with all the demoralising rev tests..
totally unexpected but oh well.
math still like shit la.
so nth much to be happy about.
and this reminds me of some people
who have ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD
shit, all is unfair.
but whatever, no use brooding over such crap.
prelims is in one and three quarters week. WHEE.
im SO NOT freaking out, SO NOT dead, SO NOT predicting that fateful day when we get our papers back, SO NOT going to complete mugging, SO NOT going to do well.
fucketty fuck :(

was watching friends..was so sweet!
esp when rachel confronted ross.
season finale part1 next week -wipes tears-
haha. cant believe its ending!
and i'd like to knw wht the fuck happened to the oc
there's a new timeslot for the apprentice so thr's no oc now!?
like hello.
stp reshuffling the timeslot.
freaking irritating.

media over here
come through like a world premiere
trench coat and my underwear
lets go with this freakshow its outrageous

i think britney rocks
seriously.
and i shall announce that mark chay is the cutest+hottest guy alive ive ever seen in singapore.
hahas. do i sound like a freak or what.
but he's really cute.
ok stop it!
-zips.

- In love, In no belief
Never found inside of me
Built these walls up so high
Needed my room to breathe
Oh Baby You turn them down
Can't believe you've changed my mind
Oh Baby I saw your smile
Stay with me a while

All things fall in to place
My heart, it feels so safe
You are my melody
That's where you take me

With you I get so high
Lost in the crystal sky
You are this melody
That's where you take me
I never fell before
How did u find my door
The key up to my soul
To you forever more
Oh baby You make me rise
And never did I once think twice
Oh Baby You make me smile
Stay with me a while

; thats where you take me - britney spears